


As It Was

by Iwantutobehapppier



Category: Captain America (Comics), Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, F/M, Light Dom/sub, Pining, Sex, Shower Sex, So much angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-03
Updated: 2020-01-28
Packaged: 2021-02-27 10:13:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 13,701
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22095430
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Iwantutobehapppier/pseuds/Iwantutobehapppier
Summary: You and Steve had been hooking up on the sly for months now. Feelings are caught but is everyone adult enough to deal with them? And who caught them?
Relationships: Steve Rogers & Reader, Steve Rogers/Reader
Comments: 25
Kudos: 212





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I’m in a mood and working through it. There will be sex and angst. Expect nothing more. Enjoy! :) Sorry not sorry. @sagechanoafterdark is gonna hate me after this but I will make her latkes to make up for it. Oh and def not MCU Canon. Everyone’s alive, I’m making it angsty enough don’t need dead peeps too. For now kekeke.

You were both truly naive to think you could hide from a group of spies and enhanced like this but your hopefulness coupled with Steve’s never-ending optimism pushed you into delusions. Or maybe it was just the lies you let yourselves live in, that this was only sex and there was no need for anyone else to know.

“How did that date go last night?” You tried to focus on Wanda’s idle chit-chat waiting for the rest of the team to file into the conference room for a debriefing on the newest mission. Steve stood to the side of the room talking with Bucky; you looked his way to find him staring at you. He shouldn’t be so obvious really but it was hard not to stare as you were in his bed just this morning.

“Hello?” Wanda waved her hand in front of your face. You jerked back giving her full attention but not without a bashful glance.

“Good. I mean probably okay?” You sighed, “No it went pretty bad actually.” Wanda’s frown encompassed her whole face; she had been trying so hard to help you with your love life. It wasn’t like you could fault her for meddling, Vision and she worked so well together and she wanted the same for you.

She just couldn’t know that it was hard to have any good date when you were hooking up with Captain America on the sly. They would all pale in comparison but this date had been quite the spectacle of tragedies.

“Never knew someone could talk about themselves for an entire night. Let’s not forget he flirted blatantly with the waitress then, made some innuendo at me blowing him in his car in the middle of dessert.” Giving a reader’s digest version of the story you wouldn’t mention to her the way his hand kept riding up your skirt or how he practically propositioned the kind waitress to partake in a threesome.

You may have also spared the details for listening ears, specifically the pair attached to a blonde centenarian, who would not respond well to learning you had not been entirely forthcoming with details when wrapped up in his bedsheets following the atrocious date.

“He tried to put his hand up your skirt?!” Wanda’s tone was harsh, her powers lighting up her hands in response to her rage.

“You promised!” You frowned at her, you had requested several times she keep her wandering mind to herself around you. Wanda blushed at being caught.

“I knew you were holding back,” She didn’t even vein remorse, “I’m sorry it went so badly but I am not sorry for prying.” She took your hands in hers about to speak but Tony interrupted.

“I know you all have missed me whilst away,” Tony held his hand to his heart “But I am here!” last to enter with this signature flair of dramatics, “Capsicle take it away!” Tony plopped down next to you with a side smirk that you reciprocated with an eye roll.

Facing forward Steve’s eyes landed on you first, the small frown marring his face indicating he had heard Wanda.

“Let’s get started,” Tightness in his voice made you involuntarily flinch, you knew, later on, there’d be a conversation or worse there wouldn’t be one at all.

You limp your way back to the personal quarters following a very long but successful mission. Not without the colossal share of setbacks landing Natasha in the med bay, Bucky stranded at one point without working comm, Tony’s suit damaged beyond macrobiotics ability to repair and you along with Steve ambushed. What did it matter though if the mission was successful?

Happy to finally be back in the sanctuary for your room you started the shower letting it warm up while you slipped out of your gear. Walking back into your bedroom the welcomed silence was interrupted by your sharp inhale through clenched teeth at the pull of the tight suit on bruised and battered muscles.

“Need some help?” You jump turning around at the sight of Steve leaning against your door jam. His arms crossed over his torn and dirty stealth uniform. Did he follow you to your room from the Quinjet? The jerk on your battered body nearly sends you to your knees in pain. You just wanted to be in that hot shower, let your body feel some form of relief.

“Yes, please,” All you can get out, working hard to keep the tears of pain at bay. There was no reason to hold them back except your own pride. Steve shut your door and strode over to you, helping you peel the catsuit down your back, over your hips, his fingers gentle trailing over forming bruises. 

Steve clenches his jaw the more he exposes your injuries, a rather deep cut on your hip, dried blood trailing all the way past your knee. You place your hands on his shoulder when he ushers your legs from the suit. Left in your activewear bra and underwear you felt an unusual level of vulnerability.

You two had been fooling around for months but neither tended to each other in such a way outside of mandatory mission first aid. 

“I’m going to wash this grime off, did you want to join?” You voice barely a whisper staring down at Steve, his head slowly trailing up your body to catch your gaze. With a brief nod he stands up and you step out of your suit, moving to face his chest and helping him remove his suit. 

Soon the two of you are bare, under the harsh bathroom fluorescents and warm large showerhead’s rushing water. You stand there, your back to his front, almost touching. Almost something more than just a mutual need to clean. You close your eyes and tilt-up, letting the rainfall showerhead leave trails of water down your face. The two of you shampooed your respective hair, he opted to use your gardenia scented shampoo, his own shampoo only ever in his bathroom.

Having him so close and naked but not touching left an uneasy ache in your stomach. The sensation that something was wrong, but what could be wrong? You turned your head back to look at him, his eyes were already on you, they were always on you. His gaze felt different than any others and you weren’t sure what it meant. A storm burning behind those beautiful blue eyes. Often, you find yourself getting lost in those pools of blue. Clearing your throat you turned back around, closing your eyes and tilting your head back up to rinse the shampoo from your hair. 

Maybe you imagined it all? Your desire to want more from him projecting your own wishes in his actions.

You are startled from your thoughts when you feel a soaped washcloth gently drag across the back of your neck, along your back and moving to your front. Rough calloused hands with a tender touch washing you clean of all the harshness of the past few days. A relaxed sigh escapes your lips, the coupling of warm water helping your muscles loosen and Steve’s attention pulls you into a cloud of comfort.

An involuntary hiss pulls from your mouth when he washes the deep gash on your hip. Muttered “Sorry” is his response, bending his knees to be low enough behind you to clear away the blood. Your eyes drawn to the crimson water swirling down the drain, but you were pulled to face him, his eyes assessing your front to find any speck of grime he missed. 

Once he was satisfied you took the washcloth from him, ensuring to ring it clean and reapply soap you begin the task of cleansing him.

Petite hands run over the wide expanse of his chest following the washcloth, this feels different, you want to shake it off and pretend that was not true but it was different. Whatever it was between the two of you, it was growing, mutating, maturing into something more.

With both of you free of the missions burdens and dirt his lips crash against yours. The intensity of his kiss is startling, hands trailing up your sides to wrap around your back, pulling you flush to him. His touch was untethered in a way unfamiliar to you. Finally, he pulls his lips from yours, your lugs desperate for air. Wide eyes look at him, and he can only answer with a low lid gaze, licking his lips as he pulls you in once more to drink up all you have to offer. If he asked you’d give him everything and what was left after that.

Your hands grip his shoulders, needing an anchor in the rocking waves of his desire. His hardening cock presses against your stomach, a soft moan spilling into his mouth that he eagerly consumes it. Hands slipping down your waist, one hand gripping your wound free hip he hoists you up against the cool bathroom tiled wall. 

Legs wrapped around his waist, his gorgeous cock sitting pretty between your lips. You rock against him, your slick coating him, he grunts into your mouth, not once pulling away, you take in much need air through your nose. 

There was no need for foreplay, you were always ready for him, something you hoped he did and didn’t notice at the same time. After all the power he had over you, you wanted to keep him ignorant. Oblivious to your thoughts consumed by him, the way your skin craves his touch, your heart longed to keep him there with you forever. The dates you went on to keep appearance that this was still casual to you. That this was still whatever he wanted it to be so it wouldn’t stop.

Pulling you from your thoughts Steve manhandles your body to line you up. Releasing your lips you watch at his cock sitting at your entrance. You coo, watching him slowly push in. Your fingernails dig into his shoulder, Pushing forward until he’s reached your depths. There’s a lascivious way to how he feels inside of you. His head falling into your neck, peppering kisses on the wet skin. 

“Feel so good around me,” he garbles into your neck. The pace he starts is slow at first, almost loving, but the jarring way he pushes the last few inches in reminds you what this is. Carding your hands through his hair you pull his head back to look him in the eyes.

“Fuck me Steve,” His eyes darken, following your command he pummels into your heat. Driving you both into moaning messes. Foreheads pressed together, slapping of flesh echoing against the tiled walls. He presses his lips to yours, the softness of it contrasting the carnal brutality of his cock driving into you.

Lowering his head he takes a pebbled nipple into his mouth, suckling and pulling. Knowing you love that pain wrapped in your pleasure. Your hands slap against his back, arching into his touch you cry out. Fingers digging into the corded muscles of his back you seek purchase on something, pleasure wrecking your body of any sense. 

“Steve!” You holler, your body drawing tight as the ever needed orgasm nears. “Please,” the gentleness in your pleas pulls Steve’s head back up. A hand leaves your waist, cupping the side of your face. “Yes, I’ll give you whatever you want.” He gasps out face tightening as you both near. 

“Come for me and you can have it all,” he continues hips never faltering. His cock stretching and dragging along your walls. A particular deep thrust sends you spinning, your legs tighten around him fingers digging into flesh enough to bruise if he hadn’t been a super-soldier. 

His pace stutters, a staccato of groans fall from his lips and you feel that telling of warmth shooting inside you. God how you loved the way he felt cumming inside you.

There’s a peaceful silence in the oncoming dawn, the two of you wrapped in each other under your bedsheets. Legs tangled together, your head resting on his chest, entranced by the rhythm of his heartbeat. You woke before him, a first, drawing random patterns on his chest with your finger. 

Idle thoughts race through your head, now that the mission is washed away after a night of rest you could not help but think on your date and Steve’s reaction to you withholding information. If it wasn’t addressed sooner rather than later it would just be a new topic for you two to not talk about, just like whatever this was. 

When he wakes up, his arms wrap around you, holding you tightly against him. The embrace welcomed and certainly something you could get used to as a routine. He lets out an exaggerated yawn and smacks his lips together looking down at you with a sleep ridden smile. A smile tugs at your lips at his adorable morning mannerisms. 

Better to get this all out in the open before the day began and you became a coward.

“About that date-” Before you can say more a shadow falls over him, lips downturned when he practically chucks you off him.

“You’re not obligated to tell me things like that,” his voice rough with sleep, he swings his legs off the bed sitting up with his back to you. “You’re really not obligated to me in any way outside of following mission directives,” the curtness in his voice is searing in your ears. 

Right, right you two weren’t obligated to each other. Obligate meant you had to get something back from him other than orgasms. 

“Oh right…” the silence settles between the two of you, heavy and uncomfortable. You pull your sheets up to cover your chest while sitting up. There are a few moments of controlled breathing, erratic heartbeats, and tense shoulders. Steve stands and makes for his dirty mission clothes, never looking back at you, covering his privates with the clothes but not putting them on. Your room was across from his, not like anyone would see him.

“I’ll see you around,” It wasn’t until he was out of the room that you realized the shared silence between you two was full of all the things left unsaid, or half-spoken. 

You don’t see him again until the next mission briefing a few days later. Only looking for him once, and when he brushed you off to spend time with Bucky you weren’t hurt only upset he never came to you later. 

Entering the familiar conference room you sit next to Tony who was surprisingly there before you. He smiles at you and you return it before facing forward. Steve not looking at you, for once. His eyes on the report in his hands, a grimace covering his face before he begins to discuss the upcoming mission. Eyes never leaving the paper.

“Are there naked girls on that paper man?” Bucky asks a soft chuckle is Tony’s input.

Steve huffs looking at his longest friend, “No.” a grumble under his breath. 

“Then maybe look up, what’s wrong with you punk?” Steve’s eyes divert to you for a moment, so fast you almost miss it before he’s looking at Bucky once more.

“Nothing,” he clears his throat and continues, his eyes perusing the room but never landing on you. Your face downturned to the table, the uneasy feeling you had during the shared shower returned but tenfold. He calls out your name and it startles you, jerking up to look at him. His lips pinched before he continues.

‘You and Tony will be doing this one together,” You look at Tony who gives you a thumbs up with a soft smile. While the two of you had been paired before on group missions it had never been just the two of you.

“We’ve got this Firecracker, right?” Giving a tentative smile you nod in agreement. Looking back to Steve he’s staring down at his papers once more, brow furrowed and lips pursed. Whatever thoughts he had storming in his brain, not good.

Five days, you’re with Tony for five days on this mission. It wasn’t so bad except Tony loved to complain. You were used to the silence of Natasha and Bucky or friendly conversations with Steve. Not the never-ending complaints of one Tony Stark. 

You escape to your room, leaning against the shut door with a relieved sigh. Silence, blessed silence. 

However, that silence was short-lived when the echo of knocking on Steve’s door carried over. You should move further into your room and not eavesdrop but you were too exhausted to care enough about proper decorum.

“Hey Steve,” a soft familiar feminine voice greeted Steve as he answered the door. Your eyes narrowed. Who was that?

“Oh! You’re here.” He sounded flustered, “I’m so sorry I should have met you out front.” His words are rushed with an uneasiness to it. What was Steve hiding? 

“It’s alright, Bucky let me in and honestly I was just excited to see you for tonight” the soft comforting words carry across the hall through your door. Just as you went to step away, not wanting to hear anything that would do permanent damage to your already fragile heart.

“I mean we’ve been tiptoeing around each other for years then it was radio silence,” there was an awkward chuckle from Steve in response “Was surprised when you asked me out.” There it was. You fall back against the door, the back of your head hitting the door with a thud. 

“Oh, what was that?” The female voice questions but Steve dismisses it quickly and leads her down the hall. Away from you. For a date. A date that Steve was going on. Without you.

Your heart pounds in your ears, sliding down the door toppling onto your ass, the pounding on gets louder. Taking in large gulps of breath you try to gain a sense of reality, it’s unobtainable. A buzzing noise is all you can hear. Whatever this was it made all torture you’d suffered in the past seem like child’s play. Crushing, that’s what it felt like, being crushed from the inside out. Big fat tears made their way down your cheeks.

Oh, what a fool you had been. Why would you deserve to be cherished? How could someone see you more than a simple means to an end? Laying on your side, you curl up into yourself on the floor of your room. The buzzing in your head and straggled breaths the only sound you could make out.

Much later in the evening, there was a tentative knock on your door. Struggling to open your tear swollen eyes you make out your name being called. Another knock, louder this time, you sit up and with a deep breath, you rub your face. Slowly standing on your knees you open the door and look up to see Wanda’s worry stricken face.

“Oh no,” a soft sigh and suddenly your being picked up, she pulls your arm around your shoulder and leads you out of your room, down the hall where Steve left, with her. You feel the crushing sensation return.

Wanda sensing your ramping thoughts sets you on a stool in the kitchen and takes your hand.

“Deep breaths,” A soft hand on your chest, “In through your nose,” She takes a deep breath and you mimic holding it with her. The hand on your chest glows a soft red, you feel your body relax “out through your mouth,” together again you breath out. “Keep doing that I’m making some tea.”

Watching her movements you continue your breathing as instructed, a thought crept up. Did she listen to him as you did? Was her advice better than yours? Was he kissing her like he did you in the shower? 

“Stop!” Wanda’s voice soft but tone harsh enough to still your thoughts. You hadn’t even noticed your breathing pick up. She brings the tea over and mimics the breathing pattern once more and you follow along. 

“There was something I wanted to tell you before that last group mission,” Wanda pushes the warm tea in front of you. Steam raising out the cup, you curl your fingers around the mug. The heat emitting into your hands helps you realize you had been cold. Pulling the mug up you take a small sip, the warmth blooming down your throat to your stomach releases an uncontrollable sigh from you, shoulders sagging.

“I heard your thoughts, about the date, about Steve,” the way she stresses his name makes you tense once more a sharp breath in. She tips her mug to you and taking another small sip you let the warmth soothe you once more.

“You’re worthy,” she speaks so softly you almost miss it. “I heard it, the thoughts you weren’t good enough, weren’t worth love.” Looking down at the mug setting it on the table you have no words to offer in response.

“You’re worth so much more than this world has given you,” a hand takes your from your mug, fingers intertwining. A feeling of warm euphoria slowly seeps in your hand up your body. She says your name making you look up at her. 

“It’s okay to say what you need,” you jerk your hand away at her words the feelings she provided evaporated.

You open your mouth to say something but the elevator doors ding, both turning you regret ever coming out of your room. 

There he was, handsome as ever, hands in his pant pockets. Head bowed down with furrowed brows. It’s a few steps out of the elevator that he notices you and Wanda. Steve freezes, his eyes didn’t leave you. Trailing up and down your body you suddenly became self-conscious of the fact you had never changed out of your gear and eyes more than likely still puffy from crying. You certainly looked sexy right now. 

He takes a timid step towards you, your back goes straight and you stand up from the stool. Whatever he had to say wasn’t going to help your current mood, you’d rather just avoid the inevitable. You were rather good at circumventing fate. 

When he says your name you make your exit of the kitchen, seeking solace in the four walls of your room. His feet are pounding on the floor as he make chase for you. 

A warm large hand grabs your upper arm stopping your progress. You whip your face around and look up at him. His lips pursed together again, there’s that look, the deepness of his blue eyes. The impossible futures you projected. 

“I-” He pauses and clears his throat, his eyes shifting around you. “I know you heard Sharon and I,” you let out a hiss at her name. Sharon, fucking, of course, Sharon Carter. There was nothing wrong with Sharon, she was a great CIA agent, a remarkable SHIELD agent but she was also locked into Steve’s past.

Not worthy, unlovable, not his, not enough, never amount to that connection. Is all that runs through your head. 

“Right, but you’re not obligated to tell me things like that,” You hate yourself right now, why were you throwing his words back in his face. “In fact,” Stop! Stop! “I’m not obligated to you in any way except following orders.” 

Steve’s reaction to your verbal assault is similar to if you had smacked him, he takes a step back leaning away from you. His hand slackens on your arm and you use this to slip out. 

Without another word you rip your arm from his loosened grip and make your way to your room. Shutting the door behind you, you walk into your closet and shut that door too. You go as deep as you can in the closet, far away from Steve. You didn’t want him to hear you crying, did not want him to hear your heartbreak.


	2. So It Shall Be

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While Steve left on a mission you tried to cope with the pain left over after everything was said and done. Can you handle things being as they are with Steve? Can you really sit there and be in love with him and say nothing watching him from afar? 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey lovelies! Here’s part 2 to As It Was. There will be a third part. So ya know, enjoy some more angst. I didn’t fix anything. Lol Love you all!

“You know you gotta talk to her right?” Steve huffed tilting his head back to look at Bucky for a moment before turning to face forward, piloting the two of them in Quinjet. Bucky’s voice carrying from in the back as he took stock of inventory. Making sure supplies were restocked once they returned to the compound. After all, he didn’t want another ear full about him inadequately stocking after mission. Nothing was worse than a lecture from Captain Steve Rogers about mission safety.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Steve chose the path of playing dumb, hoping his friend would take the hint and drop it.

“You’re not good at playing it close to the chest,” Bucky continued opening up the first aid kit, plenty of supplies depleted after the ambush they had faced at the latest terrorist location. Bucky internally groaned, he hated re-stocking medical supplies, it never fit neatly.

“I mean after all you live in a dormitory full of spies,” Bucky chuckled to himself, “You really thought you could keep your nightly activities secret?”

Steve sputtered, throwing the autopilot on and marching back to face Bucky. 

“What would you know about that?” Steve tried to play it cool, really he did, but there was not an ounce of cool in Steve Rogers when it came to you. It was all emotional knee jerk reactions.

The eat shit grin on Bucky’s face made Steve’s hands curl into fists, oh he knew too much. That much was certain.

“Just that your dumbass took Sharon on a date, and that beauty of an Avenger across the hall from you hasn’t said one word to you since.” Bucky paused “Also you two aren’t very good at keeping your noises to yourself,” a shudder ran through Bucky’s spine. He never wanted to hear some of the things Steve said to you during sex.

Steve’s face flushed, well, of course, Bucky knew what was going on. Steve wasn’t about to lie to Bucky either, especially since he had it all figured out. Except for the one part Steve himself didn’t understand.

“Why isn’t she talking to me?” Bucky’s jaw went slack the pure confusion laced in Steve’s words. Thank god his friend was pretty and from what Bucky had heard an adequate lover, otherwise, he was useless to women.

“Seriously punk?” Bucky’s accusatory tone bristled Steve. His hands gripping his belt buckle as he stood up straight, eyes narrowed on his friend.

“I only followed her lead,” Bucky tutted at Steve.

“Right, cause her random dates set up by Wanda with guys she has no previous connection to and no future ones thereafter,” Bucky started slamming the containers around, annoyed with his friend to an extent that rivaled the days he’d get his scrawny ass out of fights. “ Is equal to your date with a woman you have a past with.” 

“You really are a punk,” Bucky’s back to Steve while he filled out the inventory sheet on a clipboard. Not wanting to look at the idiotic faces he was sure to be making. “You’ve got a gorgeous dame head over heels for you,” Steve grunted in disbelief. “And from what I unwillingly hear a bombshell in the sack,” Bucky could hear the leather of Steve’s gloves constricting at his hands balling into fists holding tightly onto his belt buckle. Man, he had it bad.

“But you just keep her at arm’s length and paradin’ another sweet dame around, who knows nothin’ about the mess you’re draggin’ her into.” Bucky shook his head setting the clipboard down. Turning back to face his friend he almost regretted his next words at the crestfallen look he had. Almost.

“What would your ma think Steve?” The blonde’s shoulders slumped at the weight of Bucky’s words. Taking in a ragged breath Steve rubs his forehead. His ma would kick his ass for not being true to himself and his emotions. Yet the fear he held at you not feeling the same kept him in limbo of talking to you. Made him act irrationally and pull an unsuspected third party into his mess. What if you never wanted anything more than sex? What if…

“How do I fix it?” Desperation emitted from Steve in suffocating waves. Bucky could see that insecure scrawny kid unsure of anything dealing with dames.

“Just talk to her!” Bucky’s exasperated tone did nothing to ease Steve’s worry. 

“ETA to Compound 5 minutes,” FRIDAY announced breaking the tension filling the Quinjet

Steve stood up straight, nodding his head. Right just talk to you, talk to you about feelings, about what a fool he was and maybe, if he was lucky you’d feel the same.

~~*~~

“Please,” Wanda’s desperation pained you, “Please reconsider.” leaning against the door frame of your room you tried your best to listen, You really did but…

You had to leave the compound, it couldn’t be helped. Well it could have, Wanda certainly believed so but you didn’t have it in you. You weren’t strong enough to face this pain. You weren’t strong enough to put up the same front Steve could.

“It’s only been two weeks, and Steve has been away almost the whole time.” Wanda paced inside your room. “Wait until he gets back, I’m sure if you two would just talk-”

“-I don’t want to talk to him,” Your voice firm, and certain on that one fact. The rest of you, well the rest was weak, hurt, and screaming out to repair the comfort you had let go of with Steve. No, he let go, not you.

He decided this was only sex by his actions, and you didn’t have it in you to keep up the charade of complacency in being his friend providing all the benefits, and baring the pain that came with feelings you kept inside. 

Pulling your bag over your shoulder filled with some clothes and necessities you turned around making your way down the personal quarters’ hallway with Wanda hot on your tail.

“When will you be back?” Your heart almost broke at how Wanda asked you with so much hope.

“I don’t know,” you paused and turned around to face her, she wrapped you in her arms. Resting her head on your shoulder, you could feel your resolve to leave slowly slip away.

“But you will won’t you?” You pulled yourself from her embrace and nodded your head in affirmation. Wanda held your hand in hers not willing to let go of you just yet. 

“I just need some time away from the compound,” maybe being back in the city would help you escape the pain. Or at least let you get distance on the whole situation, be able to see the forest beyond the trees.

“I’ll have you over once I’m settled.” Wanda barely contained an excited squeal at the prospect.

“Oh! It’ll be so wonderful, two hotties out in the city!” You couldn’t help the soft smile that pulled at your lips. Wanda’s excitement is contagious. “And girls-only sleepover! I’ve never had one of those.”

“Ah, yeah well there will be Amir there but he keeps to himself,” you cringed at Wanda’s eyes narrowing in on you.

“Amir?” You didn’t miss the flicking of her fingers with a red hue.

“I’m staying at his place, pre-Avengers friend.” Wanda raised an eyebrow at your quick explanation.

“Only a friend?” Your frowned, your dear Wanda always wanting to pry but at least she wasn’t reading your mind again.

“Wanda…” she shook her head letting go of your hand. 

“It’s fine you can have friends outside of me,” she paused with a dramatic sigh. “I guess.” With a roll of your eyes, you pull her to you once more for a tight hug.

“I’ll see you soon,” A quick wave of your hand you made your way into the garage to commandeer one of the many cars. Your feet slowed passing Steve’s motorcycle. Walking your fingers on the handlebars you recalled all the times you rode with him, how you had to cling to him out of fear from his reckless driving. You were half certain he had a death wish with his driving. 

A shiver ran down your spine recalling the smell of his leather jacket and cologne, clinging to him late at night atop his back, the two of you speeding away from the compound together for solace under the moon out in the backwoods. You could almost feel his warm arms around you fighting the chill of the night air, the two of you sprawled out on a blanket.

Shaking your head to push the feelings curling along your skin you continue your path once more, the only thing worse than ghosts of him was the emotions the man himself invoked. 

~~*~~

Panic, suffocating, unrelenting pain. Was this how you felt? Did he make you feel this way? Steve’s thoughts spiraled out. He made it back, only for you to be gone for an undetermined amount of time according to Wanda with a knowing smile. One that he didn’t like, reminded him of Bucky too much.

“She left?!” Steve tried to keep his tone calm collected, authoritative but Bucky rolled his eyes knowing full well there was nothing calm inside his best friend right now.

“Yeah, “ Wanda huffed, trying her best not to blame Steve for your departure, but it was hard. “Said she needed space,” She paused feigning ignorance, “I wonder what from?”

Steve cringed at the question, oh it was very obvious what you were needing space from. Him. You didn’t feel the same, and this was clearly your attempt to spare his feelings by just leaving. Part of him was grateful, but a larger part was mad at you for not being there so he could talk it out with you.

“She will still attend required missions Captain Rogers,” Vision offered, not sure what the tension in the room was about. It seemed odd to him, you were allowed to live where you wanted provided you did your duty as an Avenger. There was no need for the upheaval the news brought.

“Right,” Steve’s tone resigned to the truth. “The missions.” Maybe this was for the best, with you gone he could stop the daily pinning and focus on anything but you and the twisted feeling you left in his guts. He hoped.

~~*~~

Two months away and your feelings did not wane in any measure for the stupid blonde centenarian. You tried everything, going on dates, eating ice cream, spending cash you should have left in savings, watching movies like How Stella Got Her Groove Back, Legally Blonde and of course To All The Boys I Loved Before. 

When the stereotypical tricks to get over a guy failed your roommate Amir was there to try his method. Drinking, stupid amounts of drinking. For sure teetering line of alcohol poisoning drinking. Being a more secular Muslim, Amir saw drinking as a challenge to his body, and in your youth, the two of you had faced the challenge head-on. But doing so at this age, well it certainly wasn’t working during your heartbreak but definitely succeeding at breaking your body down.

It was after one of these said nights you found yourself stuck in a situation you had been hoping to avoid. There was a knock on the door but the pounding in your head render you useless to even care to answer the door. But apparently, Amir was cognizant enough to see who would knock on your door at the obscene hour, you looked a the clock, 2:00 PM on a Tuesday.

Oh yeah, things were really looking up for you after leaving the compound.

Amir called your name out with uncertainty.

“What?” You whined under your bed covers, hoping your voice carried through the door. 

"Why is Tony Stark at my door?” Amir’s voice was louder this time, you flipped the covers over your head.

“Fuck!” With what resembles a newly born fawn trying to walk you stumble from your bed and put on the first shirt and shorts you find on the floor. Skidding on the wood floor of your industrial city apartment you catch sight of Tony looking around, appraising your abode. No doubt preparing some witty comments. 

You could make the back of Amir seeking solace in his bedroom, he cared little for your Avenger life. Whatever Tony had to say, you were sure Amir had something to counter once the Billionaire leaves.

“Tony,” When he looked at you his brow raised, you more than likely looked as terrible as you felt.

“Ah, Firecracker had I known you just wanted to drink yourself to death I would have stocked liquor cabinet at the compound accordingly.” There it was the witty comment.

“But I think this is a place that would drive you to drink to those levels,” he lifted your discarded jacket on the couch. You rip the jacket from him with a firm glare. “Who thought brick walls with a wallpaper accent wall was chic?” Oh, you hoped Amir didn’t hear that his mother had done the decorating of his apartment years ago. 

“If you came here to simply mock where I choose to live you can go now.” You fold your arms over your chest.

“Oh of course not, I’d rather invite you to my place so you can see the standards at which I live to adequately belittle where you live.” You could feel your head pounding from overconsumption of alcohol and the ever-growing pest of Tony Stark.

“Come on man, why are you here?” Tony shrugged his shoulders, lackadaisy perusing your living room.

“Oh you know, I missed you,” He paused realizing there wasn’t really much of you here, “The whole team misses you really,” he turned to face you then leaned down to pick up a framed photo on a bookshelf.

“But I am here on official Avenger’s business.” He held the framed photo up, it was of you with Amir’s family at his sister’s wedding. Years ago, back when you were just a vigilante in Brooklyn and not an official Superhero World Saving Avenger. A simpler time for sure, if not reckless.

“So is this your family?” you grunted grabbing the frame from his hands and setting it back down.

“What Avengers business?” You steered the billionaire back on topic. On most days you loved hanging with Tony, he wasn’t the worst, but being hungover you had little patience and Tony seemed to revel in it.

“We need a female for a mission,” He crosses your living room, still taking stock, but veining disinterest.

“What’s the mission?” You cut him off by slipping to stand in front of him, arms over your chest.

“You know the routine pretend to be a couple, infiltrate a swanky party, get the information on the bad guy’s computer and bring it back.” He waved his hand as he listed the steps, routine indeed. 

“Great, sounds easy who am I going with?” You were a little excited to get back on a mission, you had requested a little time in between your next one of doable.

“Cap,” Your blood turns cold, there was no way you could pretend with him long enough to get the needed information. You would blow your cover before anything could be done.

“No,” You stomp your foot. “Absolutely not.” You were five seconds from a full-on toddler tantrum.

“Find another woman to put up with Captain Rogers terrible acting.” Tony snorted

“You’re it I’m afraid.” The over the top sigh Tony gave did nothing to deter the oncoming tantrum. “Regretfully with Wanda out on a mission indeterminate amount of time and Natasha recovering from her latest injury it falls to you.”

“Danvers?”

“Off planet,” Tony snorted. “You know she’s never here for long.”

“Maria?”

“Up Fury’s butt somewhere I’m sure.”

“Nebula?” Tony guffawed at your suggestion.

“Yes let’s send, Nebula, the queen of subtlety on a mission where she has to pretend to be in love with someone.” Tony was holding his sides, laughing between his words.

Once he cooled down, while you continued to heat up he served your sentence for the mission.

“You’re it, Fire Bender,” he began to make his way to the front door. “So whatever is up your ass over Capsicle, melt it.” 

“Whatever,” You mutter. “How soon do we leave?”

“Debrief is tonight, you leave soon as it’s over.” He turned around to look you up and down. “And take a shower before you show up.”

You had to bite your lip from yelling at Tony as he shut the door behind him. Oh, this was not good.

“Is it safe?” Amir pokes his head out of his bedroom. He looked just as well as you did after the late night of drinking.

“Yeah, sorry about him.” Amir just shrugs, grabbing two water bottles from the fridge, tossing one your way. You catch it and chug down the water. You needed to hydrate, shower and mentally prepare yourself for the upcoming mission.

“You really gonna go on a mission with that guy?” The concern clear in his voice.

“Can’t exactly just not do my job,” You finish the bottle and toss it in the recycling before making your way to your room but not before you get another bottle of water. You had little time to get yourself up to par. Just as you grab the fridge door Amir places a hand on your shoulder.

“Just talk to him,” Amir’s advice had been the same from day one, and you had been stubborn enough to give all the reasons why that wouldn’t work. You take your water bottle but his hand stays on you.

“Else you could end up dead,” His eyes level with you, no amusement or jovial friend to be found. “Don’t put your life at risk cause of a guy.” 

With a tentative nod, unfamiliar with this serious Amir, you make for your room trying to not let Amir’s words sink in too deep. You needed to prepare to face Steve Rogers, destroy of hearts.

~~*~~

Walking back through the compound should have felt like returning home. Instead, you were full of dread. Would he be civil? Better yet, would you?

Stopping in front of the conference room for debrief you take a deep breath. Focus on the mission and all will fall into place. You’d gone on missions when tensions were high between teammates, it happens. This was no different.

Entering the room you were surprised to be first, taking a seat you clasped your hands together controlling your breathing. Steve was always early to debriefs, in fact, you had made jokes with Bucky about Steve’s anal retentiveness when it came to mission protocol. 

Tony bursts through the doors startling you, a sullen Steve following behind him. His eyes caught yours and he froze for a moment. You were actually there, he had expected you to find a reason to not show up. He knew that was stupid, you were dedicated to the work, may be part of him hoped you would that way he could stay mad at you. Pretend it didn’t hurt you left, instead that you were irresponsible. But here you were.

Clearing his throat he called out your name, you nodded your head. Steve looked for any clue on your face, any indication that would tell him how he could fix this, whatever this was. He’d do about anything to have you home again, have you by his side, with him. 

“While I love a good staring contest,” Tony interjected in attempts to kill the tension. “We’ve got a mission to go over and attempt to get you two to act like you’re in love with each other.” 

Tony snorted, both of you glaring at him. Tony held his hands up in defeat. 

“I’ll have FRIDAY relaying to you guys while I’m here at the compound.” He pulled up the display to begin going over mission protocol. 

Steve stood next to the door, never taking a seat. He watched the back of your head, barely paying attention to Tony. It didn’t really matter though, Steve had come up with the strategy but Tony would run point from the compound as a back up in case it went wrong, he could be there in less than an hour. Yet given it was a dinner soiree and information extraction there shouldn’t be a need for backup. 

He curled his hands at his side, he wanted to do so many things. The first was to hold you, inhale the sweet scent that was you. A smell he’d get wafts of sometimes on his sheets after you left but now it was faded. He also wanted to shake sense into you. You belonged here at the compound, with the team, with him. 

Second, beg you to listen to him and confess everything he should have from the moment he started to feel this way for you. Though if he had confessed the moment it happened, it would have been the day he first saw you. Surely that would have scared you off but to wait this long and keep on a charade of casual sex while he felt like this… Bucky was right, he was a damn fool. He had already had an awkward conversation with Sharon, one that led to even her an outside third party picking up on how he feels for you.

So why couldn’t you see it?

“Sound good Cap?” Tony’s voice didn’t reach him. His eyes never leaving you, the entire time Tony had been speaking. “Cap?” Tony tried again.

This time you turned around to look at Steve. You raised an eyebrow at him, his gaze trained on you. It was unnerving, what did he want? 

“Steve?” You tried to get a response and he shook his head, your voice pulling him from his thoughts. It had been too long since he had heard you say his name. Heard you chant his name, moan out his name, beg him for more. 

“What? Huh?” Steve looked from you to Tony and back to you. Rolling your eyes you faced forward, trying to plead Tony for mercy with your eyes. This was going to be a train wreck.


	3. That Which Is Done

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You and Steve have to pretend to be a couple on a mission. What could possibly go wrong? Everything?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your patience lovelies, here is the final part of As It Was. Hope it is everything you want it to be. Especially my wife @sagechanoafterdark who threatened to murder Ransom if I didn’t give her a happy ending. You’re stone cold wife. Huge shout to my little bby @spacesnail3000 for kindly reading over the smuts to make sure it worked out well. Enjoy! Reblogs and comments welcomed and encouraged

“You think you can pull this off Cap?” Tony’s voice in Steve’s ear already a nuisance. For a moment Steve thought about taking his com out for the night, he wasn’t sure he could handle the Billionaire’s wit tonight on top of everything else. 

Steve appraised himself in the floor-length mirror inside the hotel suite the two of you were to share tonight. A designer name suit Tony had boosted but Steve ignored along with a tie and pocket square completed the ensemble. Steve would be lying if he said he was comfortable in a get-up. He’d rather be in his old Army formals than a tailored suit. 

The sound of the bathroom door opening behind him caught his attention, looking in the mirror he choked on his spit. You were gorgeous, ethereal, beauty incarnate, a goddess. He could conjure adjectives to describe you all night, the one strap dress tight to your skin with a thigh slit in the long gown. The chosen color Tony knew would complement your skin tone and certainly catch Steve’s eye.

The aforementioned super soldier’s jaw hung open, not hiding the way his eyes trailed each curve and swell of your body, he would gladly worship at your altar. Sacrifice himself to your higher purpose. Not being able to press himself into the softness of your body at night for over two months left him a shell of a man, damned and doomed. Eyeing your thighs Steve’s fingers twitched at his side as did a rather neglected lower region of his anatomy. He could feel second thoughts about this mission creeping into his subconscious. 

Ignoring the way Steve practically salivated you walked up next to him, surveying yourself in the mirror ensuring your makeup matched the high-end look required for the mission. Leaving your hair down with a natural look allowed you to slide your ear comm in and keep hidden.

“Did you hear me Capsicle?” Tony’s annoyance at being ignored carried in your ear, catching Steve’s eyes in the mirror he clamped his mouth shut, swallowing audibly. You didn’t miss the way he shifted from one leg to the other, pulling at the inner seam of his pants. Raising an eyebrow at him he shook his head, hoping you won’t press the unspoken question. He’d rather not admit to having a semi with Tony listening in. 

“He’s a little distracted at the moment,” The trill of amusement unmistakable in your voice. 

“Well tell him to get it together,” You reached over straightening Steve’s tie, he turned to face you completely, nostrils flaring scenting the lure of you perfume invade his space. Patting down the tie you smoothed his button-up shirt with your hands moving down his chest. 

Looking up at him through your lashes, your lips parting to accommodate your sudden heavy breathing, his exquisite firm muscles twitch under your hands made your brain start to fuzz. 

“It’s almost game time team!” Tony’s enthusiasm broke the spell between you. With a shark jerk, you turn from him missing the ache in his face at the loss of your hands. You grab your clutch and meet Steve at the door of the hotel, he wraps your hand into the crook of his arm opening the door and ushering you out to greet the Towncar waiting.

~~*~~

The air in the Towncar was suffocating and awkward. Once you had come back to your sense you walled yourself back up. Any question Steve gave you nodded or gave a monosyllabic answer. It was paramount you kept yourself guarded to him, you weren’t looking to break your own heart for a second time over the same guy.

Amir was right, you had to keep yourself focused else you’d get yourself hurt. Though you choose to ignore the part where Amir told you to talk to him. What did he even know?

“Would you care to explain the sudden cold shoulder?” Steve’s voice pushed between gritted teeth. He thought the teasing nature in the hotel room was a sign things were beginning to ease back into a similar rhythm but your 180 by the time you two got in the car gave him whiplash.

“I’m sorry am I supposed to act in love in the car too?” Your tone matching his annoyance.

“Hey lovebirds,” Tony interjected, “Not a great way to start a date night!” he tried desperately to keep them on the mission. When did he turn into the responsible one?

“You could at the very least act civil towards a friend.” You scoffed at him.

“Friend,” You folded your arms over your chest looking out the window. “Right, friend.”

“What is that supposed to me?” Steve’s hand rested on your shoulder trying to pull you to face him.

“Is Sharon a friend?” You shot back keeping your face turned from him. Oh, this was not a good path to go down but there was no stopping this rolling train now. 

Your name passed his lips, intertwined with all the emotions he felt for you yet unable to voice at the current moment. He caught the barely perceivable flinch in your body at his voice. 

“You need to know-” before Steve could finish the car came to a stop, an usher opening the door your door. Looking up at the gaudy mansion you stilled your nerves, it was time to work. Taking the offered usher hand you delicately lift yourself from the car. Another usher rounding the car to open Steve’s door.

With concise steps Steve places himself at your side, wrapping a possessive arm around your waist pulling you into him not leaving a breath of air between. You looked up at him hiding your displeasure at his actions, knowing it was for appearance. You placed your hand on top of his holding your waist. Steve looked down at you with a small nod and you two made your way into the party.

For the most part, you two could put on the appearance of civility, he kept his hands on you at all times and you focused as much as possible that this was for the mission only. Do not misconstrue his actions.

Steve, on the other hand, was in heaven, having the excuse to touch you whenever and however much he liked. Whispering into your ear about the mission, playing it off as flirtation sent a thrill down his spine. Would it feel even better if he could do this with you not related to a mission? Could he hope to have that future with you?

Pulling you onto the dance floor Steve rested one hand onto the small of your back, the other holding your hand, his lips right at your hairline. You could feel your face warm at the intimacy of the act and how profound being in his arms felt. For a moment you could love him openly, this one moment you could just love him. Your fingers lovingly caressed his shoulder you gripped, a soft sigh fell from his lips. 

The veil of deception came crashing down for Steve when a gentleman asked you for the next dance. Not wanting to cause a scene you both acquiesce but Steve could not shave the scowl watching who the man placed his hand much too low on your lower back.

“I can practically hear you growling, killer,” Tony spoke up after an enjoyed length of radio silence. “It’s just a dance.”

“Shut up,” is all Steve mutters, the bell sound of your laugh carries to him. He loved that laugh but right now he just wanted to mute all sounds. His eyes watching the flirty glances you gave your dance partner, throwing your head back to laugh louder. 

The man dipped his head down pressing his lips to your ear. “Do you think your date would miss you terribly if we found a place more private?” Steve’s eyes widened hearing everything through the comm, watching you from across the room. 

Letting out a nervous laugh you peel yourself from his embrace. “I’m afraid he would miss me rather quickly.” He latched onto your hand. “Find me when you shake him then.” He left you dumbfounded in the middle of the dance floor. Who the fuck just swoops in like that to take someone’s date?

“I told you that dress would be a guy magnet!” Tony boasted over the comm. Clearly hearing it all as well. Making your way back to Steve with an uneasy feeling in the pit of your stomach you finally looked his way at the stand-up table.

“Shame Amir couldn’t be here to see your infidelity,” While his accusation was grasping for straws as you clearly did not pursue anything with that man, it stung even in the misinformation fueled by jealousy.

“And what do you know of Amir?” You lifted a brow grabbing a passing flute of champagne as your voice rose in volume.

“Guys, please don’t draw attention to yourself,” Tony’s concern rang in both your ears.

“What do you even know about me?” Pushing your index finger into the center of his chest, Steve curled his hands into fists restraining himself with little success.

“That’s literally the last thing you’re supposed to do right now.” Tony continued on, but neither of you paid attention. To consumed in the inferno that had been ragging between the two of you since the first night you fell into bed together. 

“I know you better than you think,” You laughed in his face, in an instant he took your wrist of the offending hand and whipped you around forcing your back to his chest, arm trapped between you. 

“I know what makes your eyes get that little twinkle before a smile,” His voice hot on your ear. 

“I know what makes you cry out in need.” He trailed his lips down your ear, placing a soft kiss against your fluttering pulse. “I know how to send you spiraling.”

“Woah you two fucked?!” The three of you had lost all focus but with Tony’s words ringing in your ears reality came crashing down. Steve released your hand shoving you away, you tripped on your heels, finding your balance before you fell flat on your face. You turned back to face him.

A few people were watching you, trying to turn the situation into something you could use you covered your face, forcing a few tears to well up in the corner of your eyes. 

“I’m going to get the data,” Steve nodded your muffled voice coming through the comm, face blank canvas, not trusting himself right now. “You stay here and keep up appearances.” 

“Hello, we going to talk about what you two just confessed?” Tony’s irritating voice in the comms. Ignoring Tony for the time being you made a dramatic dash for the restroom. Letting Steve take the fall as an upset significant other. 

“Just get me to the computer Tony,” you muttered watching your six to make sure no one caught you bypassing the restroom.

“Okay but after we’re all three going to have a discussion about team fraternizing and-”

“Tony,” Steve’s no-nonsense stopped him short. The next time he spoke it was to instruct you on where to find the needed computer.

You made a turn down the hall to see the man you had danced with before standing there without his jacket, your eyes cut to the gun at his waist. “Guys,” your voice waivers.

You can hear them both call your name out.

“Looks like you lost your date after all,” his smirk vile and worrisome. “Was it hard to shake Captain America?” Your eyes widened, you went to open your mouth to warn Tony and Steve however an arm wrapped around you from behind followed by a prick in your neck. You tried your best to say something before the darkness consumed you. Vaguely you made out a panicked Steve.

~~*~~

Coming to, your vision blurred in the brightly lit room, the smell of gunpowder and iron of blood is palpable. Shaking your head slowly you move your hands to your face, feeling the cool metal of handcuffs, rubbing your eyes your vision still not clear but you could make an outline of someone across from you. 

Moving your arms up you grunted at the lack of mobility and clang of chains. Okay, so you were chained to something. You fluttered your eyes, vision clearing however you were beginning to wish it hadn’t.

Steve is across from you chained to the floor sitting in a metal chair, the metal is darker than your cuffs. You weren’t sure but it did appear to be a different type of metal. There were dried blood trails at the corners of his mouth, a gash on his eyebrow that appeared to still be possibly bleeding. His white button shirt was dirty in footprints and blood splatter.

Choking back a sob you tried to remain calm. Worrying over him would do no good right now, he wasn’t even conscious to asses his own damage. You bit your bottom lip, how long had you two been down here?

Your coms obviously removed as well as any weapons. Huffing you started to plan an escape, that is if Tony wasn’t already on his way. 

Shuffling your feet you surveyed the obvious makeshift jail/storage room. Crates piled the wall farthest from you. You knew you could get out of the cuffs but unsure if you could carry an unconscious Captain America. For now, you had to wait and hope Steve woke up soon.

The concept of time was hard to determine in a room to yourself, except your unconscious partner. You were chewing on your cuticles when Steve first made noises of waking up.

“Steve?” His eyes snapped open at the sound of your voice, hands jerking up and grunted when he couldn’t free himself from the cuffs. 

“Vibranium?” He looked at the cuffs and chain locked to the floor then back to you. You shrugged, you had suspected it was some other metal and if he couldn’t break free Vibranium wasn’t a bad guess.

“How long have we been here?” You shrugged again. You weren’t a human clock. His eyes narrowed.

“Do you know anything other than how to blow a mission?” He seethed.

“Don’t put this on me, Rogers!” His teeth grind at how you address him “It’s not my fault you can’t even pretend to like me.” 

“Pretend?!” If he hadn’t been restrained in vibranium cuffs he’d throw his hands up in exasperation “How could I even begin to pretend I like you?” There wasn’t an ounce of him that could ever fake the emotions he felt for you. 

You looked down in shame, right lust was easy, love was another deal.

“Oh sorry my mistake, guess you got good at pretending to like me when you were balls deep-”

“-That is not the same and you know it.” He couldn’t even fathom how you thought he would ever pretend then, now or ever in the future. You were all he thought of, all he longed for. He was rather sure Bucky was going to sock him in the jaw if he mentioned you one more time.

“I never have to pretend with you,” You lift your head up, his sudden docile tone throwing you off. “Its always there,” with his hands coupled together he taps over his heart. “There’s not an ounce of insincerity in how I feel for you.”

You remained silent, stunned by the intensity of his words. He groans.

“There’s too much I want to say, and any time I find myself able to say something you run off or something happens.” He rubbed his face with both hands hissing when he touched the gnash. 

You sat up straight concerned. He waved his hand. “It’s fine.”

“Say it,” Your voice barely above a whisper. He lifted the damage-free eyebrow. “What you keep wanting to say, say it.”

His face flushed, clearing his throat and shuffling in his seat. 

“Don’t you think getting free is a bit more imperative than what I have to say?” You arch a brow at him deflecting.

“Oh, I can get us out easily,” your hands conjured a small flame, then quickly extinguished it. “But only after you say whatever it is you desperately need to say.”

“You’re going to keep us detained just for that? How childish can you be?” Steve could not understand your stubbornness sometimes. Maybe because his own bullheaded behavior blinded him.

“Me?! I’m not the one who made a scene during this mission because someone else was touching your ‘toy’” You sneer. Steve shakes his head, this was getting the two of you nowhere.

“You’re not my toy, you never were my toy.” He really needed you to see how he felt. 

“Certainly felt that way after Sharon-” Steve stomped a foot on the ground interrupting you.

“And all those guys you went on dates with?” He interjected, the two of you riling each other up as always. 

“I wasn’t the one who set the sex only rule!” You interjected, bringing up facts was the best way to win. Win what you what wondered? That wasn’t clear but you would win!

“What about Amir?” He countered and you laughed, that snarky know it all laugh that made him want to kiss you to shut you up.

“Jesus, Steve,” Your chuckles faded, shoulders sagging at the depths of your exhaustion over talking in circles. “He’s practically family.” Turning your face away from him. “Or I’m practically his, they took me in when I was a kid.” 

It was Steve’s turn to sigh, of course, the guy was family. He knew you better than that, at least he should have known you better than that.

“I’m sorry,” You looked at Steve from the corner of your eye, his apologies were far and few between. “I made an assumption, and I keep hurting you.” 

“I’m sorry I made you think all I wanted you for was sex,” The prickling of tears behind your eyes at his words unwelcome. You weren’t going to cry in front of Steve. Nope.

“More than anything,” Steve swallowed the sudden lump in his throat. “I’m sorry for never telling you how much you mean to me.” Oh, the tears were falling now, you heated the cuffs around you to melting point and broke free. Standing up you stumble on your heels to him.

Cupping his battered face in both hands he looks up at you, enthralling ocean blue-green all you can see. Your thumbs caress his cheeks, he lets out a soft sigh closing his eyes and turning his face to kiss the palm of your hand. 

“Please don’t cry beautiful girl,” You sniffled, his hands circled around your wrists. 

“I love you.” The scratch his voice at the words almost catching in his throat. How long had he wanted to say that to you? So scared it would mean you’d turn from him once you realized you didn’t, couldn’t feel the same.

There was part of you convinced you had misheard him, it possible that he loved you. You knew your value, you knew in the grand scheme of things Steve Rogers couldn’t love you. Yet, he was saying it to you. Warmth bloomed in your chest, the tears reinforced at the upheaval. Leaning down you sought his lips.

An explosion followed by crashing and yelling could be heard beyond the door of the makeshift jail. You jerked up hands falling from Steve’s face, momentarily forgetting the confession.

“Could you maybe help me get out of these.” Steve held his cuffed hands up to you. Looking back at him you nodded bashfully, right you two were trapped. 

Pulling the flame from your hand the door busted open. You put your hand up to attack who had entered.

“Easy there, Fire Bender!” The Iron Man suit came into view. He looked from you to Steve. His face piece flipping up.

“Handcuffs huh?” He steps into the room, “Pepper and I dabbled but I don’t need toys to make it interesting.” 

You and Steve groaned simultaneously. You put your hands-on the vibranium cuffs heating them until they’re comprised enough for Steve to break apart.

“Come on lovers,” Steve stood up, holding you at your shoulders “There are still asses to kick.” Tony launch out of the room after that. 

“We’re not done talking about this,” You nodded, not trusting yourself to talk at this moment. “But first, duty.” he smiles pulling you into his embrace before you both follow after Tony. 

~~*~~

The soft purple hues of dawn filled the sky pulling up to the compound with Steve. The three of you had agreed to debrief tomorrow given the late night, or early morning. When you made your way together down the personal quarters you could feel your anxiety key up. Should you go to your old room and rest for a bit? Maybe back to Amir’s?

Steve wrapped his fingers around your wrist and tugged your hand towards his room, the panicking thoughts stopped. He opened his door and shuffled his feet under your gaze second-guessing his movements. You passed him to enter his room he let out a breath. 

Silence reigned over the two of you, awkwardly standing in front of each other in the room growing brighter by the rising sun. Steve tried for the life of him to figure out where to start but could not fathom where to begin. Too many things he had held back saying, and so much he knew he should save for the future. A future he hoped to have you in.

“Did you mean it?” You sputtered out, not sure you wanted to hear him. After all, you had spent years convincing yourself you didn’t deserve love, didn’t deserve the happiness being cherished brought. 

“Of course,” he made a step towards you, then another, his arms winding around your pulling you flush to his chest. You curled your arms up his back, gripping his shoulders from behind with a tightness to keep him secure to you. Ensure you he wasn’t going to pull away.

Dipping his head down burying his face into your neck his lips ghosted over your fluttering pulse. “I have loved you for so long,” he continued, “Convinced you couldn’t reciprocate.” You wanted to scoff, the absurdity that you wouldn’t, couldn’t stop yourself from loving him. It was inevitable, his nature called to you.

Nuzzling his face into you he inhaled deeply and let out a sigh, “Please tell me you feel the same.” A lump caught in your throat at the desperation in his voice.

“Oh Steve,” you pulled him up, framing his beautiful face between your hands resting forehead to forehead. “I love you too.”

Steve’s lips upturned, lifting you from the floor he couldn’t hold back the soft chuckle when you squealed at your sudden departure from the ground. The way he tosses you onto the bed makes you feel light as a feather, he joins you covering your body with his, slotting himself between your bent knees.

Holding himself up on his elbows and forearms resting at the sides of your head. His grin never fades even as he presses his lips to yours, you can’t help but smile against his lips as well. The kiss takes a turn when he catches your bottom lip between his gently biting down he pulls your lip before releasing and capturing your lips once. His tongue tracing the seam and you open to him.

He releases your lips leaving you gasping for breath before he dives back into you. His mouth searing to yours, he could not, would not let this moment go. Determined to burn you to his skin, and his yours, remind you why this was meant to be. He wanted you to never think to leave his side again, and the possessive way his tongue entered your mouth sent the message clearly, you are his.

Your hands unbutton his tattered button-up shirt. He follows your lead, slipping the one strap of your dress down your shoulder, trailing kisses along your chin, down your neck. When you go to pull the sleeves down his shoulders he bites at your neck and shoulder junction. You mewl out, bowing your chest upwards. 

Steve is set off, sitting on his bent knees he trails his hands along the neckline of your dress before ripping it down the middle. You gasp.

“You have to tell Tony you tore this dress!” He growled leaning back down to capture your lips once more.

“Don’t say another man’s name when you’re in my bed,” grumbling against your lips before raising up again pulling the button up and undershirt off. Your hands trail up his abdomen to the muscular wide expansion of his chest. Looking into his eyes, pupils were blown he makes quick work of your bra and underwear in a similar fashion as your dress.

Grinding his cloth-covered arousal against you a soft moan pulls from your lips. Steve smirks in response, cupping your breasts in his large warm palms, he teases the puckered nipples with the rough pads of his thumbs. You arch into his touch, your fingers loop into the belt loops of his pants in attempts to pull him as close to you as possible. 

Steve’s hands leave your now heaving chest, your breathing increasing tempo at his attention. One of his hands wrap around your neck, his eyes twinkle at the hitch in your breath. His other hand trails to your mound, fingers dipping to find your wet heat. Coaxing your wetness out and along his finger, he slips up to rub your clit with measured pressure. Long fingers tighten around your neck nearly silencing the soft cry you let out.

He dipped his head down taking a nipple in his mouth rolling between his teeth before suckling to an almost painful level, his hooded eyes watching your face succumb to pleasure.

He could play your body like a fine instrument, intuned with every part of you. Since you had left Steve only felt the softness of your body in his dreams but now. His fingers speed up, your hips lift off the bed enjoying the show of your pleasure. Now he had you back and he wasn’t going to let you go.

You could feel the tightening in your lower abdomen as your orgasm keyed up, just as you felt yourself fall off the edge his fingers left. You cried out grabbing his forearm with both hands trying to bring his hand back down to where you needed him most. His hand tightened around your neck and you stilled in response, unable to stop your submissive reaction. He let go of your lip and rose up, his lips brushing against yours, dark black with a thin line of blue locked on you.

“You left,” his chest vibrated against your with the richness of voice his scolding you. You swallowed, almost struggling at his hand around your neck, sensing this his hand loosened a fraction. “You hid how you felt from me,” You wanted to retort he did the same but thought better when his brow rose in challenge.

“You fought with me incessantly,” he gritted out. “But the worst truly is,” his tongue brushed your lips as he spoke. You almost pressed your lips to his but his words slightly infuriated you, you weren’t going to just obey. “The worst is you kept what’s mine from me.” His finger dipped back down applying rougher pressure than before he teases your clit mercilessly.

“I’m not yours,” you grit out, defiance pumping through your veins. His eyes narrowed and removed his fingers smirking in satisfaction at your pathetic cry of loss.

“Oh your not?” He pushes two fingers inside your tight wet heat, slowly pumping them in and out. Your eyelids slip down, pleasure wracking through your body once more. He bit his bottom teeth the way you pulsed around his fingers, sweat collecting on his brow. 

Curling his fingers he grins when your eyes snap, chest heaving as you cry out, his hand on your neck the only thing keeping you on the bed. Your hips rut against his hand, finger pumping into you, his thumb placing circles on your clit. You’re climbing so quickly to the precipice. 

Once again the telling tightening of your impending release results in Steve pulling his hand from you. The anguished cry almost causes Steve to take sympathy on you but your defiance had to be stifled. “Now are you sure you aren’t mine?”

“Ye-yes?” the uncertainty in your voice made him chuckle. 

“Say your mine,” he prompted, you shook your head. If he was honest, he would have been disappointed if you had given in that easily. Wrapping his hands around your waist he flips you onto your stomach, lifting you up to your knees. You hold your upper half on your elbows looking back at him in shock. 

“Say it,” He smacks your ass and grips the flesh. You cried out at the sting. His hand winding back to smack the same abused spot. You jerk forward on your arms but Steve pulls you back quickly. His fingers trail the warming cheeks before slipping between your hot wet lips, pinching your clit pulling a moan from your kiss swollen lips.

“Oh sweetheart,” he condescends, “I think you like being spanked,” the lewd wet sound of his fingers dipping into your soaking heat fills the room, you tilt your head up moaning louder. He starts his torturous pace once more keying your body up with those deliciously thick fingers pumping into you. 

“Steve,” You whine if he didn’t let you cum this time you were certain you’d die. The frenzied movements of his wrist and sloshing noise filling the room were only aiding in your oncoming orgasm. 

“You know what you have to say,” He leans over your bent body, kissing up your spine pulling your hair to the side he laves your thrumming pulse with his tongue. “And you can have it all.” The feel of his teeth as he bites your neck is your undoing. The punishing tightness builds and builds, just as you think Steve is going to let you fall his fingers retreat.

Letting out a sob you fall onto your face, your ass still in the air, thighs trembling with need. You blubber into the bed and while Steve can make out what you said he wants to hear it clearly. “What was that sweetheart?”

Turning your face to the side you sniffle, your hands stretch up gripping the duvet. “I’m yours,” it’s a whisper, but enough. Steve makes quick work of his pants and briefs. Needy and growing impatience you wiggle your hips with a soft whine.

“Hold on sweetheart,” He holds your hip while his other hand takes his throbbing cock trailing the tip along your soft wet folds. The feel of his cock is almost searing on your over-stimulated nerve endings. 

“Please,” you try again with a pleading coo, you need him.

“Patience sweetheart,” he slaps the cock head on your lips a few times enjoying the way your body spasms at the touch eyes never leaving the sight of where the two of you will join, “You’ll get what’s yours soon enough.” 

You blink a few times, “What’s mine?” you inquire lifting your upper half up on your hands and look back at him. Smearing his leaking head against your heat his nods, eyes finally looking up to you.

“If you’re mine,” he slots the head of his cock at your opening. “Then I’m yours.” Aching slowness he eases his cock into you, the stretch of his girth makes your back bow down a low moan push out. Steve bits his lower lip to the near point of bleeding, your tight, wet walls pulsing around him, drawing him in deeper.

He swirls his hips once fully seated, hands gripping your ass checks to pull apart and watch as you cling to him while pulling back. Before he’s halfway he slams back in, your body jerks forward falling flat onto the bed. Steve follows, pushing his lower half flush to you he releases a groan, his hands flat on the bed at your waist straddling the back of your closed legs. 

Pulling his hips back you lift your hips up following, a soft cry at him retreating from your heat. Steve’s labored breath hot against your shoulder as he curls above your body, he lifts one hand and its snakes around your chest and between the valley of your breasts to grip your throat. Lifting your head up your chest pushes upward and your whole body shakes when he slams back into you. 

Biting your lips you try to hold in your moans. Seeing you restraint Steve grunts and starts to rock his hips back and forth at a steady pace, one particular thrust forward have you crying out, his grip around your throat stopping your momentum from the thrust.

“Louder,” He growls into your ear. “I want everyone to hear.” He rears his hips back and slams forward, letting go of your neck he lets you fall onto the side of your face crying out. Straddling your legs he set a punishing pace, your body and the bed jerking back and forth at the force. 

Your cries grow louder with each thrust, Steve’s grunts a quieter follow up as he fucks you into the mattress. His pace never wavers and you try to keep up with his pace but fail. A hand slips under you, fingers tease your clit and you feel yourself keying up a final time. This time you know you’ll fall. 

“Come on,” Steve’s words burn into your shoulder. His tempo increasing as he feels the oncoming of his own release. “Cum for me,” He bites down on your shoulder, your head flips back covering his face in your hair. Just as his fingers tighten around your throat you wail finally fall off the precipice, your body spasming underneath him. His fingers applying more pressure to your clit.

You feel as if your floating as the denied orgasm finally washes over you. Steve’s thrusts become erratic, the pulsing and spasming of you along his throbbing cock is too much. With a guttural groan Steve pushes himself completely into you, a warm flooding sensation makes you coo. He releases your throat and on shaking arms holds him up. You’re both panting trying to catch your breath while riding out the post-orgasmic bliss.

Wrapping his bulky arms around your lower abdomen and rolls onto his side keeping you flush to him so he can remain inside you slowly softening. With the hand you lay on he rubs soft circles into your stomach the other hand wiping the sweat from your brow as he kisses your temple.

“I love you,” He whispers into your hair. Your hands cover his and you squeeze. You felt spent, as if you had run a marathon but often sex with Steve was like that and you had denied yourself that pleasure for over a month. But never again. You nuzzle back into his warm body. 

“I love you too,” you mumble out, still feeling slightly insecure about admitting your feelings to him. You knew if this was going to work between the two of you, you both had to stop being so afraid of the other and trusting in each other’s love. 

Steve hms in response, he would never get sick of hearing you say that. He intended to show you just how much he loves you over and over but with the rising sun peeking through his blinds, maybe, he smiles as you try to stifle a yawn. Just maybe you two should sleep first before he started back up in showing you how much he loves you.


End file.
